You're a womanizer and a bitch.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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