Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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