Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
