I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
