I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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