i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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