This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
