I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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