U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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