please come you make the beer taste better
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Randomize
