one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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