I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
