Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
