The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
handjob tips. give me some.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
