I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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