just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
