I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
