remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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