i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
