Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
