I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
