I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
