did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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