Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
