I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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