His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
