so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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