I need help removing her.
Duck Duck Cougar?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
