I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
