I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
