It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
