Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
