Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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