I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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