Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
As shirtless as possible
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
