hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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