i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
