Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
