Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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