This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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