I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
