why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
