she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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