We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
