There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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