I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
