Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
