After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
