So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
