he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
