I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
