Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
