Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My pussy is not your playground.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
